The Naked Now written by Michael Bingham and directed by Paul Lynch

What’s it about: A virus that makes everybody pissed hits the Enterprise with catastrophic results…

To Baldly Go: Picard makes a pretty unconvincing drunk and the scenes of Beverley and Picard trying to resist each other are painful to watch.

Number One: While everybody else is flirting, shagging and generally having a good time poor Riker is having to control his urges and save the ship.

Fully Functional: Unemotional Data displays a large number of emotions in this story from a look of shock at the demise of the Tsiokovksy’s crew, worry that he may have sounded like he was bragging, smirking at Captain Picard when he discovers the answers to the origins of the virus and a sexual need with Tasha Yar. Hang on…Dr Soong programmed Data with a broad range of pleasuring techniques? Really? When did he think that would ever come in useful? Whilst the scene itself is excruciating Data’s sexual encounter with Tasha does set up some touching development for the character when she dies later in the season. His pratfall on the Bridge made me laugh. Data gets the best scene in the episode with his isolinear chip magic trick.

Blind Engineer: Geordi longing to be able to see in human ways is quite a telling statement and I wonder how much of that was his real yearning and how much was the disease.

Alien Empath: Needless to say the improvements to Troi’s look are all positive from the more severe hair in a bun to her dark all in one uniform. Thank goodness because I don’t think I could have taken her seriously in that miniskirt. Rather than simply walking her to sickbay Riker picks her up and carries her there. I would have thought their romantic feelings would have been explored more in this sort of episode but there are far more important things going on like Wesley Crusher saving the day.

Security Chief: Just what Tasha needed to force her to unwind for a bit, a virus that makes you permanently intoxicated! It’s odd that the first place she heads is Troi’s quarters, holding her hands and trying on her clothes. Hopefully this is the only time Tasha’s sexual exploits will be broadcast on the Bridge intercom. She was five when she was abandoned but she learned how to avoid the rape gangs – wow where did that come from?

Boy Genius: Just as I was thinking making a mini tractor beam is a pretty nifty idea Wesley goes and ruins but proving what a total swot he really is by piecing together various Picard intercom messages to make it sound like he is giving Wesley orders! Acting Captain Wesley Crusher? Are you kidding me? If this was DS9 he would have been chucked out of the nearest airlock when this was over.

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Well hello Enterprise, I hope you have a lot of pretty boys on board because I’m willing and able!’

Dreadful Dialogue: ‘Help me to not give in to the wild things in my mind!’ ‘Geordi my job is security!’ – what an odd exchange and Tasha's line has to go down in Trek history as one of the most bizarre responses.
‘Effective immediately I have handed control of this vessel to Acting Captain Wesley Crusher!’
‘Because you have lost the capacity for self-judgement. Now alcohol does this Wesley.’
‘I’m a woman, I haven’t had the comfort of a husband, a man!’ ‘Not now Doctor…please!’ is a Crusher/Picard exchange!
‘It was an adult who did it!’
‘Did he say Wesley? The boy?’

The Good: The early scenes of the away team exploring the eerily quiet SS Tsiokovksy are rather atmospheric with some blood red lighting and a winding shot of the bridge with the emergency hatch blown.

The Bad: ‘What we just heard is impossible’ says Data of an emergency hatch being blown. Unlikely maybe, but impossible? More frozen people – did they have a special offer on the snow effects machine? Surely the oddest request anyone has ever given Data is to look through all known records for an instance of somebody showering in their clothing! Its never actually specifically suggested that the virus promotes a sexual need, only intoxication so does that mean this is a sign that the repressive Starfleet chain of command actually disguises a crew of intergalactic horny devils? The scene of Picard explaining the dangers of alcoholism to Wesley on the Bridge is the last thing that this series needs – the tone is condescending and childish. Poor Worf is the only person that nobody seems to want to jump on – he must have a terrible complex! Imagine if that giant rock had smashed the Enterprise to smithereens, what an embarrassing way to go! The ending once again is patronisingly simple with everybody getting a quick jab and then off to our next destination with no consequences beyond ‘it didn’t happen’!

Result: Odd to have an episode where all the main cast act out of character before we have even had the chance to get to know them. This script would have been chucked in the bin a few years later and it’s a staggering knock to the shows reputation that they could have an episode with a sex virus and Wesley Crusher taking control of the ship so early in the shows run – surely two of the most desperate plot devices imaginable. There are a few scant laughs along the way but The Naked Now is mostly made up of one cringe-inducing scene after another that fails to hit the spot. We really aren’t seeing these characters at their best which is a shame because they have much to offer. As much as people want to praise Gene Roddenberry for his vision of TNG if the last two scripts are an example of how he saw the show I’m amazed it made it off the drawing board. Failing to be funny or sexy, The Naked Now is a dismal failiure and irritatingly DS9 also had a stab at this sort of episode and it was even worse: 3/10