Time and Again written by David Kemper & Michael Piller and directed by Les Landau

What’s it about: Janeway and Paris travel back in time one day with the foreknowledge that a civilisation is about to fall…

Hepburn-a-Like: Janeway and Paris look like poster children for the GAP clothing store in their multi coloured gear. In a moment of extreme violence Janeway gets well and truly smacked in the gob during the riot and its enough to make you flinch! Mulgrew tries so hard to give the material some gravity but the look and feel of the episode is working against her. When Janeway blabs out that she is a hostage almost causes the most annoying kid this side of Wesley Crusher executed I was ready to leap in and kiss her!

Parisian Rogue: Time and Again exposes a problem with plot heavy Voyager episodes; they forget that the characters are supposed to have a personality. The most we discover about Paris in this episode is that he is trying to bed the Delaney sisters and that is revealed in the teaser before the plot has begun. He takes a bullet for the kid which proves his character degeneration has already begun.

Forever Ensign: Would rather run a transdata diagnostic then help Paris chat up the Delaney sisters and doesn’t quite have the hang of exaggerating his prowess to wangled his way into their quarters! Its commendable that Kim is remaining faithful to his girlfriend but a little naïve that he thinks they will be getting home any time soon.

Elfin Chick: Kes suffers a terrifying telepathic vision of the planet burning. Jennifer Lien is quietly a very impressive performer and she often provides moments of striking emotion when we explore her powers.

Dreadful Dialogue: ‘ Our own rescue attempt! That’s what sets it off!’ – not only does that episode take the most predictable path but it feels the need to explain it to us.

The Good: ‘So, we’re looking at the end of the war’ – that’s a much more visual description of the searing of the planet than Janeway’s technobabble.

The Bad: The first alien civilisation Voyager meets since the pilot and it’s a bunch of humans with the only concession to this being on the other side of the galaxy being they all wear different coloured bright clothes! That goofy little blond kid is more annoying than Alexander, Wesley Crusher and Molly put together. His entire purpose is to irritate and hamper Janeway. I have absolutely no idea what B’lanna is talking about in engineering when mounting a technobabble fuelled escape plan. A planets surface blasted to death by war with pockets of time that offers windows into the past when it was thriving and foreknowledge that it is about to be destroyed tomorrow. That’s a pretty strong premise for a story so why is the execution so bland? The community is completely unmemorable and no attempt is made to make us care about their fate. The conclusion is inevitable, of course the Voyager crew is ultimately responsible for the disaster that befalls the planet because that is exactly how these sorts of episodes always resolve themselves. Janeway needs to read up on some of the old TNG episodes to see how these things end up. The end of the episode proves that the whole thing never happened as far as the crew is concerned. If only.

Orchestra: The musician wakes up as we head towards the climax with some exciting music as Janeway heads off to stop the terrorist attack.

Result: I can imagine a much stronger version of Time and Again that sees Janeway and Paris trapped on a war torn planet of fascists, trying desperately to avert a disaster and avoid being executed themselves. The version we get sees them dressing up in multi coloured clothing, hiding from a scrotum-clenchingly irritating kid and chatting amiably with colourless officials. Given the premise of the show it is potentially the blandest execution imaginable. The most interesting thing on offer is Kes who displays unusual supernatural powers which give the episode at least a few moments of interest. When TNG was bad in its first season it was at least entertainingly camp and when DS9 dropped the ball it was propped up by subplots – Time and Again is the first bad episode of Voyager and it proves that at its worst this show is simply forgettable and for me that is the worst kind of bad. Time and Again flaunts a great idea but does absolutely nothing with it. Pretty much the story of this series: 2/10

A Man Alone written by Gerald Sanford & Michael Piller and directed by Paul Lynch

What’s it about: Odo is framed for murder by a criminal he once put away…

Single Father: This episode juggles a plethora of subplots that make the overall experience more palatable. Sisko’s new friendship with Dax is spoken about and his awkward dinnertime conversation with Bashir puts to rest any fears that he might have feelings about her. This is a very different Sisko to the one who has to juggle up a hundred problems in later season – he preaches to Odo about playing by the rules but in later seasons he goes on a manhunt, frames an entire species and starts a full scale war. Nice to see Sisko taking a different lead from Picard and happily socialising with his crew.

Unknown Sample: Odo has never seen the need to ‘couple’ but by the end of the seven-year run he would be quite the expert. I would love to be able to argue with his disparaging assessment of a night in with the other half but anybody in a relationship would recognise what he is saying. His creed is laws change depending on the administration but justice is justice. Whilst Sisko would come to admire and respect Odo’s unique approach to law enforcement his unwillingness to be a team player would be brought up several times in later episodes. Its here that we learn that Odo hangs out in a pail at the back of his office when regenerating. There is something tragic about Odo feeling so detached from humanoid life and makes his eventual integration all the more satisfying.

Community Leader: Business is doing well and he’s (almost) making an honest living. Quark practically salivates at the sight of Dax so her number of admirers is growing by the day. When told he is Odo’s worst enemy he bites back with that is the closest thing Odo has to a friend. I love this partnership and there are so many touches of loyalty and (dare I say it) love between the two rivals throughout the seven years. It’s an engaging love hate friendship played by two actors that adore each other. Quark’s reaction when Odo asks if he needs a shape shifter in his organisation is priceless; he doesn’t know which way to jump!

GE Doctor: Bashir is persistently trying to sneak his way into Dax’s knickers (and to give him his credit by the end of the season he would succeed albeit in a product of his own imagination).

Nine Lives: Dax seems to suggest that Trill’s are above sexual needs but that really jars with the good time girl that beds the most frigid Klingon in town of later years!

The O’Briens: Our first glimpse at the problems besetting Miles and Keiko and their move from the gleaming corridors of the Enterprise to the Station. Keiko does whine a little too much but anybody who has suffered a massive upheaval in their life and had to try and find a way to settle in will recognise what she is going through. I really like the scene with Keiko trying to convince Rom to send Nog to the school (and succeeding), its great to see another neglected TNG character given rare focus.

Young Friends: Another fine pairing is set up in this episode although perhaps not in the smartest of ways. Jake & Nog would turn out to be one of the most vital explorations of opposing cultures in the series, a Ferengi and human that share a bond of friendship that transcends their race.

The Good: The school is a fine idea, seeing this environment turning into a community and giving Keiko a solid role in the series. I love how nothing is forgotten in this series. In the first episode Kira suggested civil war was inevitable and it is followed up in The Homecoming. In A Man Alone Sisko mentions that Keiko opening the school will be a challenge because the children all come from different cultures which is dealt with superbly in the series finale. Hana Hatae is the cutest thing on two legs as Molly.

The Bad: The murder scene itself isn’t very excitingly directed – Alfred Hitchcock would be appalled by the lack of atmospherics (plus I cannot think of anything more skin crawling than having a massage by the web fingered alien). The sequence with the Bolites is a rare example of DS9 going for the comic jugular and failing. DS9 is exactly the sort of place where a mob could easily gather but these scenes fail to convince mostly because the Bajorans are portrayed as weak willed bullies and Sisko’s touchy feeling approach to breaking it up lacks any kind of punch. I’d have had the whole lot of them confined to a cargo bay for a week. The solution to the mystery is a mouthful of technobabble and nobody acts terribly surprised. In true Scooby Doo fashion that killer is hiding under a rubber mask.

Result: A murder mystery without any mystery, A Man Alone is a tired episode which only comes alive when focusing on the developing dynamics between the characters. Odo is so clearly the target of Ibudan’s murder and the effortless way hatred is stirred up against him forces the plot to ignore the idea that there could be any other suspects and then the wrap up is as contrived as it comes with a twist that hasn’t even been hinted at. Fortunately there are an abundance of scenes that see character pairings come together (Jake & Nog, Sisko & Dax, Odo & Quark) and an enjoyable subplot that sees Keiko finding her place on the station. DS9 has a higher hit rate than most in providing an enjoyable b plot when the main storyline fails to engage (especially in series two and three) but that still doesn’t excuse the bulk of the episode falling below par. You expect a few stumbles when a show begins and this one is average but nothing too offensive: 5/10

Code of Honour written by Katharyn Powers & Michael Baron and directed by Russ Mayberry

What’s it about: Tasha Yar and that’s all you need to know to want to turn off.

To Baldly Go: Everything about Picard at this stage is so stiff (get a room guys, that was the last episode) and Patrick Stewart sounds oddly robotic in his voiceovers and displays none of the charm he would in later years. He barks at Wesley on the Bridge like a little Hitler and thinks that Tasha is a rather lovely woman.

Security Chief: Tasha seriously needs to calm down a bit, one of Lutan’s guards tries to give the vaccine to Picard and she beats the crap out of him! Imagine kidnapping somebody as melodramatic as Tasha Yar, I’d return her and ask for a refund. Her characterisation is really uncomfortable; especially when Troi probes her mind to explore the sense of thrill she felt when Lutan claimed her as his own. When you think that Tasha was menaced by rape gangs when she was younger and now she enjoys being desired by an man who treats her as a prize. This is how an enlightened emancipated 24th Century girl thinks when a man treats her as property? And when Yar has a hissy fit I just wanted to tape her mouth shut: ‘Troi you tricked me!’ Was Yar conceived as a deliberately flawed character? She wants to embarrass Lutan’s wife for having the audacity to challenge her! She suggests there is no physical training anywhere that matches Starfleet training which is clearly a crock of shit, I can think of a dozen races that would gobble Yar up, chew her up and spit her out. Data looks forlorn at the thought that Tasha might love Lutan which leads to another cringeworthy admission that she is attracted to the sexist ruler. No wonder Denise Crosby wanted out, this is painful material. What complications is Tasha talking about when rejecting Lutan at the climax?

Boy Genius: Wesley is in the turbolift again just to get a little glimpse of the Bridge – that kid needs to discover pornography. An hour with Quark would sort him out. When Crusher asks to talk to Picard about Wesley it is all he can do to stop himself spitting on the floor. Nog has to work his butt off to earn the right to step into Ops and take a station and Wesley, just like everybody on this damn show, gets it handed on a plate.

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘You can create people without a soul?’ is pretty much the punchline for every holodeck episode to come.

Dreadful Dialogue: ‘This is my first woman!’ – ouch!
Apparently women are ‘highly pleasant things but unimportant.’
The weapons are ‘razor sharp and split second lethal!’

The Good: The staging for the fight is impressive, especially the long shot of the arena with the planetary background.

The Bad: Since I am not a fan of TOS so I will place this observation in this category but everything about the arrival of Lutan screams of the Original Series. Tonally, visually and musically it is a tad over the top and camp. I don’t understand why the Federation has to kiss the butt of Lutan and his people when they have just handed over a sample. Would they really be held to a razors edge like this? Battle of the sexes so early in the series run? I seem to recall that Stargate had an episode not long after its pilot that handled similar, quietly insulting, themes. There is a completely random scene thrown in between Geordi and Data about jokes that is pointlessly out of place.

Orchestra: Every twist is punctuated by a ridiculously loud and dramatic sting that has the reverse effect of what it is trying to achieve - blunting the moments.

Result: The most Original Series episode TNG ever produced with its emphasis on a camp and faintly unbelievable alien culture and a dismal handling of sexism and race. There’s even a fake looking sky backdrop. In three episodes alone Tasha Yar takes her place as the least convincing regular character Star Trek has seen (yes that includes Neelix) and her dialogue in this episode is obscenely bad, so much so I was praying for her to trip and impale herself on her poisoned spikes. With its cod Shakespearean dramatics, overacted guest stars (Jessie Lawrence Ferguson doesn’t so much as chew the scenery but devour it whole) and overdone musical stings this is another embarrassment to sit through. My standards must have been very low as a child because I cannot imagine any age group sitting through this entire episode today unless they were a Trek completist. Painful and dull and it’s not even the worst episode of the season. ‘Why aren’t we warping out of here?’ says Picard at the conclusion but I was thinking that for 45 long minutes: 1/10

Parallax written by Brannon Braga and directed by Kim Friedman

What’s it about: Our first temporal anomaly! And its written by Brannon Braga!

Hepburn-a-Like: I’m not sure if Janeway is a bit too officious to be likable as a representative for what Starfleet stands for at this point in the series. Whilst she makes some good points about the need for cohesion and loyalty on the ship she has hardly earned the right to expect it yet and without giving the Marquis members a chance to prove themselves it hardly seems fair to criticise them on past mistakes. Nice to see she got some balls (if you’ll pardon the phrase) and orders them to punch through the anomaly.

Tattoo: Chakotay chews out B’lanna for misbehaving and then informs her she will be Chief Engineer. As written this is a great scene but Robert Beltran doesn’t quite have the authority to pull it off convincingly.

Brilliant B’lanna: I love Torres’ way of handling a difference of opinion – giving Carey a bloody nose! When she tells Janeway her problem at the Academy was a system that didn’t give her the chance to breathe I could have kissed her. Its great to see Janeway and Torres breaking ground and getting excited as they work through a mountain of technobabble together but surely there was a more exciting way to make this work than defeating an anomaly. It’s great for the audience and the character to hear how many people supported Torres at the academy especially considering how much of a chip on her shoulder she has about it. B’lanna is surprisingly magnanimous in her success at earning the Chief Engineer role, if it had been me who was spoken to so rudely by Carey I would have rubbed his (preferably bloody) nose in it.

EMH: He is made up of 200 memories and 47 individuals so if there’s anybody you want around in a medical crisis it’s the EMH. However his bedside manner leaves a lot to be desired. Crusher would bore you to death, Bashir will try and shag you and the EMH will insult you – great choice of Doctors! They never thought the Doctor would be around long enough to warrant a name and it takes him seven years to think of one.

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘I’ll try not to break any of their noses.’

The Good: Tuvok mentions the Captain having the authority to put people on trial for misconduct which is an interesting angle to have to take when so far away from the nearest Federation court. Rumours of the Marquis being thrown in the brig and talk of mutiny…this is more like it! Talk of growing their own food and assigning crew members to certain jobs is very healthy, nice to see some thought going into their situation. There’s a fascinating conversation between Janeway and Chakotay about integrating the Marquis into the crew. The Marquis don’t have the training and haven’t earned the right to be in senior positions but they have the ability to get them out of tight spots whereas the Federation officers have worked their butts off to get where they are and might find it hard accepting orders from terrorists. Really interesting stuff and soon to be forgotten. Martha Hackett already stands out more than most of the crew as Seska. Torres tells Janeway that if she picks the wrong Voyager then they will have a long time to debate it. Imagine that? Just Janeway and Torres in a shuttlecraft exploring the Delta Quadrant! Jettisoning Chakotay, Neelix, Harry Kim and the flying toilet lid in one swoop! If only…

The Bad: Voyager doesn’t trust itself enough to give this episode over to the growing tension amongst the crew and so shoves in a technobabble strewn subplot that goes nowhere and chews up time that could be better spent exploring the characters some more. The Doctor turning into a dwarf and Harry Kim’s headaches are hardly the most gripping of side effects for the anomaly of the week. The singularity turns out to be a mirror through time – how dull. Our first encounter with another species after the pilot turns out to be…Voyager! B’lanna makes Chakotay’s name sound like a Chinese town. What the hell is up with that horrible scene at the end with the midget Doctor standing on a chair? Its pulled off again to far better comic effect in Persistance of Vision.

Result: Nice to see that the Marquis repatriation is given some consideration and it’s a relief that Parallax spends half of its running time focussing on Torres because she takes our mind off the debut of the Voyager cliché, the temporal anomaly. You’ve got a tale of two halves here that splits its time between character and technobabble with the former providing a great deal of interest (especially the Janeway/Chakotay scenes which were rarely better) and the latter seeing agonising scenes of nonsensical gobbledegook. Why Neelix and Kes make an appearance is unclear, its clearly a contractual rather than a narrative necessity and exposes a flaw in Star trek that sees extraneous regular characters having to be shoehorned into episodes where they don’t belong. Parallax sees the show running on the spot storytelling wise but at least continues to explore its cast with some interest: 6/10

Past Prologue written by Katharyn Powers and directed by Winrich Kolbe

What’s it about: A Bajoran terrorist seeks asylum on DS9 and has a plan up his sleeve to get rid of the Federation for good…

Single Father: Wowza, there are some fiery exchanges between Sisko and Kira in this story that are hardly the norm for Star Trek. This is one relationship that is going to take a while to settle down. Its nice to see that Sisko can chew out his staff with the best of them – I certainly would not want to get on the wrong side of this guy. The look between Kira and Sisko at the end of the episode speaks volumes and shows how strong these characters already are that we know exactly what they are thinking without them uttering a word.

Tasty Terrorist: The wounds of the Occupation are still very much open and she cannot contain her disgust at the Cardassian ship firing at Tahna’s scout ship. Everything about Kira is severe in this episode; her attitude, her dialogue, even down to aesthetics like her uniform and hair. As soon as Kira goes over Sisko’s head and contacts Starfleet I was thinking ‘you’re in big trouble now…’ Kira sees the Federation as a means to an end, nothing more and that’s a refreshing viewpoint. To be fair to Tahna when he tells Kira that once she gets into her comfortable with the Federation she wont be able to get out he is right. Its great to see the character so conflicted between what she perceives to be her duty to her world and her allegiance to their new allies and it wont be the last time this season Kira is placed in an uncomfortable situation like this. Even though she has had nightmares about some of the terrible things she did as a terrorist at least she new who her enemy was then.

Unknown Sample: Odo’s gruff exterior makes his tenderness with Kira all the more touching. They share a quiet conversation about all her doubts and then he makes her mind up for you. Its exceptional character moments like this that really elevate this show.

GE Doctor: Poor Bashir hops around Ops with his exciting news about Garak and nobody wants to listen to him! He’s hopelessly naïve at this point but its rather fun and the pairing of him and Garak would mine a rich seam of characterisation. O’Brien can barely look at him when he starts gabbling about Federation medical secrets. He’s not very good at this subterfuge lark and actually starts admiring himself in the mirror when he is supposed to keeping an ear cocked for Klingon dodgy deals.

Plain and Simple: Garak makes an immediate impression and would continue to thrive as the series goes through its many phases of development. A simple tailor who (possibly) used to work for the Cardassian Obsidian Order and is (potentially) stationed on DS9 as a spy for his people. That’s a golden character spec. His first scene with Bashir is unforgettable, he is so charmingly camp it seems as though he is almost coming on to the poor chap and in a memorable scene later Garak offers silk lingerie to a Klingon! What’s interesting about the scenes between Garak and the Duras sisters is how much more appealing this fresh Cardassian character is compared to the old TNG stalwarts. It shows great promise for future guest roles in the series.

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘I’m so glad to have made such an interesting new friend today.’
‘Go over my head again and I’ll have yours on a platter!’

The Good: There is something about the fixed location of DS9 that means you barely notice when they have bottle shows. When TNG and VOY do all on the ship shows it feels like an exercise in budget saving because their mission statements are to constantly move on and see what’s out there but with DS9 a station bound story feels perfectly natural. Its an instant example that Sisko and his Federation officers cannot simply walk away from the problems they face in Bajoran space like the spaceship set series can. The Bajoran/Cardassian conflict is here to stay and its about time we saw a Star Trek show tackle that sort of long term problem. O’Brien’s quiet exchange about the Cardassians with Sisko in Ops shows the benefit of having such distinct personalities on board. I love all the nonsense about Bashir buying a new suit, its exactly Garak’s style to lure the young Doctor into his shop with such an obvious and irreverent cover story. The plotlines dovetail beautifully towards the climax with the reason for the Cardassians pursuing Tahna and the purpose of the Duras sisters coming together to form a gripping terror plot to destroy the wormhole and ensure Bajoran independence. Nice to see there is plenty of room in a Runabout for a good punch up (although I don’t like seeing a woman getting punched in the face so violently!).

The Bad: Whilst it isn’t unpleasant to see Lursa and B’tor on DS9 and to see what they are up to it still feels like a ploy to bring TNG fans over to give the new show a chance. With Q, Vash and Mrs Troi still to turn up in season one DS9 is playing it safe before forging its own unique identity. How comes Odo can change himself into something as small as a rat? Where does the rest of him go?

Myth Building: The Kohn’ma are an extremist Bajoran terrorist group that even the Provisional Government were refusing to repatriate.

Result: Highlighting Kira’s character proves that she is one to watch and considering the little screen time she has had the character is already developing significantly. Past Prologue is a strong episode on two counts, introducing Garak and for exploring meatier themes than they would usually touch on TNG. Andrew Robinson is a delight as the Cardassian tailor, like no character we have ever seen before and it came as a surprise that it took an entire year before we saw him again. The uneasy alliance between the Bajorans and the Federation is encapsulated in Kira and Sisko and their tasty conflict makes for a refreshing change from the usual touchy feely relationships seen on Trek shows. Whilst there are a fair few stumbles in the first season of DS9 this gripping little thriller shows no signs of a show in its infancy. Engaging political drama would turn out to be one of the series strengths: 8/10

The Naked Now written by Michael Bingham and directed by Paul Lynch

What’s it about: A virus that makes everybody pissed hits the Enterprise with catastrophic results…

To Baldly Go: Picard makes a pretty unconvincing drunk and the scenes of Beverley and Picard trying to resist each other are painful to watch.

Number One: While everybody else is flirting, shagging and generally having a good time poor Riker is having to control his urges and save the ship.

Fully Functional: Unemotional Data displays a large number of emotions in this story from a look of shock at the demise of the Tsiokovksy’s crew, worry that he may have sounded like he was bragging, smirking at Captain Picard when he discovers the answers to the origins of the virus and a sexual need with Tasha Yar. Hang on…Dr Soong programmed Data with a broad range of pleasuring techniques? Really? When did he think that would ever come in useful? Whilst the scene itself is excruciating Data’s sexual encounter with Tasha does set up some touching development for the character when she dies later in the season. His pratfall on the Bridge made me laugh. Data gets the best scene in the episode with his isolinear chip magic trick.

Blind Engineer: Geordi longing to be able to see in human ways is quite a telling statement and I wonder how much of that was his real yearning and how much was the disease.

Alien Empath: Needless to say the improvements to Troi’s look are all positive from the more severe hair in a bun to her dark all in one uniform. Thank goodness because I don’t think I could have taken her seriously in that miniskirt. Rather than simply walking her to sickbay Riker picks her up and carries her there. I would have thought their romantic feelings would have been explored more in this sort of episode but there are far more important things going on like Wesley Crusher saving the day.

Security Chief: Just what Tasha needed to force her to unwind for a bit, a virus that makes you permanently intoxicated! It’s odd that the first place she heads is Troi’s quarters, holding her hands and trying on her clothes. Hopefully this is the only time Tasha’s sexual exploits will be broadcast on the Bridge intercom. She was five when she was abandoned but she learned how to avoid the rape gangs – wow where did that come from?

Boy Genius: Just as I was thinking making a mini tractor beam is a pretty nifty idea Wesley goes and ruins but proving what a total swot he really is by piecing together various Picard intercom messages to make it sound like he is giving Wesley orders! Acting Captain Wesley Crusher? Are you kidding me? If this was DS9 he would have been chucked out of the nearest airlock when this was over.

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Well hello Enterprise, I hope you have a lot of pretty boys on board because I’m willing and able!’

Dreadful Dialogue: ‘Help me to not give in to the wild things in my mind!’ ‘Geordi my job is security!’ – what an odd exchange and Tasha's line has to go down in Trek history as one of the most bizarre responses.
‘Effective immediately I have handed control of this vessel to Acting Captain Wesley Crusher!’
‘Because you have lost the capacity for self-judgement. Now alcohol does this Wesley.’
‘I’m a woman, I haven’t had the comfort of a husband, a man!’ ‘Not now Doctor…please!’ is a Crusher/Picard exchange!
‘It was an adult who did it!’
‘Did he say Wesley? The boy?’

The Good: The early scenes of the away team exploring the eerily quiet SS Tsiokovksy are rather atmospheric with some blood red lighting and a winding shot of the bridge with the emergency hatch blown.

The Bad: ‘What we just heard is impossible’ says Data of an emergency hatch being blown. Unlikely maybe, but impossible? More frozen people – did they have a special offer on the snow effects machine? Surely the oddest request anyone has ever given Data is to look through all known records for an instance of somebody showering in their clothing! Its never actually specifically suggested that the virus promotes a sexual need, only intoxication so does that mean this is a sign that the repressive Starfleet chain of command actually disguises a crew of intergalactic horny devils? The scene of Picard explaining the dangers of alcoholism to Wesley on the Bridge is the last thing that this series needs – the tone is condescending and childish. Poor Worf is the only person that nobody seems to want to jump on – he must have a terrible complex! Imagine if that giant rock had smashed the Enterprise to smithereens, what an embarrassing way to go! The ending once again is patronisingly simple with everybody getting a quick jab and then off to our next destination with no consequences beyond ‘it didn’t happen’!

Result: Odd to have an episode where all the main cast act out of character before we have even had the chance to get to know them. This script would have been chucked in the bin a few years later and it’s a staggering knock to the shows reputation that they could have an episode with a sex virus and Wesley Crusher taking control of the ship so early in the shows run – surely two of the most desperate plot devices imaginable. There are a few scant laughs along the way but The Naked Now is mostly made up of one cringe-inducing scene after another that fails to hit the spot. We really aren’t seeing these characters at their best which is a shame because they have much to offer. As much as people want to praise Gene Roddenberry for his vision of TNG if the last two scripts are an example of how he saw the show I’m amazed it made it off the drawing board. Failing to be funny or sexy, The Naked Now is a dismal failiure and irritatingly DS9 also had a stab at this sort of episode and it was even worse: 3/10

Caretaker written by Jeri Taylor & Micheal Piller and directed by Winrich Kolbe

What’s it about: Catapulted halfway across the galaxy by an alien Caretaker looking for a compatible species to continue its work, the crew of the USS Voyager begin their journey home…

Hepburn-a-Like: Have you ever watched the scenes on the first season DVD that show Guiniveve Bujold playing Janeway? She is impossibly stiff in the role and whilst there is an element of authority in her portrayal there is none of the warmth and class that Kate Mulgrew imbued Janeway with. I find Mulgrew (until Jeri Ryan joined in series four) one of the shows strongest assets and her wonderful, gravel voiced characterisation makes even the dullest episode worth tuning in for (just). The love me/love my dog conversation between Kathryn and Mark is very sweet and strengthens the feeling of loss when she is thrown across the galaxy. Janeway’s decision to destroy the array and prevent their escape back to the Alpha Quadrant is a tough one and we do see it weighing heavily on her shoulders in later episodes but it’s a shame that this life changing decision doesn’t cause a fractious relationship between her and her crew. How ironic for a character who spends seven years lecturing the Prime Directive to so blatantly disregard its rules, changing the balance of power in this entire Quadrant. Frankly the Ocampa are so deadly dull I would have left them to their fate.

Tattoo: One of the blandest characters in all of Trek, I cannot think of a single episode that centres on this character that I have enjoyed (and some of them – Unforgettable, The Fight – are dreadful). Chakotay crashing the Marquis ship into the Kazon ship is just about the most interesting thing has character ever does.

EMH: The Doctor makes an instant impact and it would have been a crime to have had him replaced. Oddly it is a holographic character that enjoys the most development in Voyager and his journey (and Robert Picardo’s interpretation of it) is a joy to watch. Interesting that Janeway unthinkingly ends the EMH in front of a roomful of people. Nobody treats him as a person in his own right yet, he is just a tool.

Brilliant B’lanna: After Mulgrew Roxan Dawson is my favourite performer in this show and when she isn’t being overwritten as a moody Klingon you will see some terrific performances over the shows run. Her character trait, struggling to control her bestial nature, is a clever one that always allows us to sympathise with her. The first season saw that hand being overplayed slightly but come series two she is easily the most watchable character. It’s a shame that her dismissal of Starfleet is forgotten as soon as she is given a decent enough position (there are a few digs but nothing as consistently succinct as Quark or Garak in DS9) and that her role as a terrorist wasn’t brought up in some grittier stories. B’lanna only made it into the second year of the Academy so when (and if) they make it home her honorary title of Chief Engineer may be stripped from her (although that is a discussion for another episode…).

Parisian Rogue: Why oh why didn’t they simply call the character Nicholas Locarno since he is played by the same actor from First Duty and is in exactly the sort of situation he would have been in. It would have been a lovely touch of continuity between the two shows. Still the idea of Janeway breaking someone out of prison to help them with their mission to capture terrorists has an edge to it that I appreciate. The trouble with this show is the characterisation of the regulars practically devolves over its seven years. Tom Paris starts out as a boyish rogue with a chip on his shoulder but it only takes a year or two before he is a neutered Starfleet good boy with virtually no edge to him. Paris doesn’t mind if a hot chick is a hologram, he’s just out for a good time. His saving of Chakotay is an interesting plot thread that isn’t really explored in any depth (beyond a double bluff in series two).

Mr Vulcan: Tuvok gets a great introduction as a Federation spy infiltrating the Marquis. His is another character that gets rather stuck in the mud over the years. Tuvok immediately shows his disdain for Neelix in a painfully unfunny scene involving a half eaten banquet and a bath. It’s a relationship that would plague the series until its conclusion (well the episode before its conclusion) and prove that you just can’t do it like Spock & McCoy and Odo and Quark.

Spotted Dick: Poor Ethan Philips. He was never world’s best actor but he deserved far more than being lumbered with a character as irritating and unloved as Neelix for seven years. To give Piller & Ryan their due they do make an attempt in Caretaker to make the character cheeky and a bit irreverent but as soon as he is accepted into the crew at the end of this episode that’s it. He becomes a Starfleet drone, his character is literally disembowelled and he is left with no guts, no edge at all just the Prime Directive in their place. Such a shame because if DS9 had proven anything, it was that there was outstanding comic potential in an alien character like Neelix. When we first meet him he is literally a scavenging rat, scampering around inside a wrecked spaceship. He seems to be assembled from all the most annoying parts of other Star Trek aliens, except the hair…that is in a style disaster league all of its own. He tricks Janeway into taking him to Kes and holds a gang of violent Kazon hostage. It would be rare for him to show such initiative in the future.

Elfin Chick: Beaten and scarred and Neelix’s girlfriend, how much suffering can one woman take?

Forever Ensign: Astonishing that in seven years Harry Kim goes nowhere. Its like the character is stuck in stasis, always an eager young nobody who wants to grow up and advance his career but never quite making it up the next step of the ladder. Paris is promoted and demoted, hooks up with B’lanna and has a kid in the time that Harry Kim gets no development whatsoever. Take his first scene and his last scene in this series and he is exactly the same person doing exactly the same things. The first scene is supposed to show Kim as an inexperienced ensign being fleeced by Quark but what I really wanted was for Kim to be left behind and for Quark to leap on board. He’s so much more fun. Is there anything more annoying than a young man desperately eager to please? A brotherly connection seems instant between Paris and Kim but (and I know I keep comparing but its impossible not to do so) DS9’s O’Brien and Bashir is better written and developed and is frankly a whole lot more watchable.

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘Mr Kim, at ease before you strain something.’
‘It’s a fine crew and I’ve got to get them home.’

Dreadful Dialogue: ‘Do you always fly at women at warp speed, Mr Paris?’ ‘Only if they are in visual range.’ That is one bad chat up line.

The Good: A nice action packed opening but not a patch on the battle of Wolf 359 that opened DS9. Its great to see the Marquis storyline spilling out into three Star Trek shows, there is a definite feeling that they all exist within one universe each adding a little depth to the others. The station makes an appearance and the torch once again being passed between shows. Unfortunately 20 minutes into its pilot episode Voyager has its only notable development (aside from a crossover of female characters in season four) – the ship is kicked into another quadrant and the Doctor, First Officer and a random Betazoid (thank goodness, imagine if we had been stuck with another Troi?) are all murdered. So hurrah for Michael Piller for pushing the show into a gripping direction and playing about with our expectations in the pilot episode and boo hiss to Brannon Braga and Rick Berman for failing to progress the show beyond the point it reaches at the end of this episode. How satisfying to watch Harry Kim being skewered! I love all the tension on the bridge between Chakotay, Tuvok and Paris – this is the sort of thing DS9 thrives upon so why did Voyager fail to capitalise on it? The Ocampan underground city is impressively realised and like all Star trek premieres Voyager impresses with its sense of scale in its pilot.

The Bad: Unfortunately the first officer that Janeway already has looks like he has more balls in one episode than Chakotay managed to muster in seven years. A shame we had to do the switch. All three pilot episodes see the new crew having an encounter with a Godlike entity that changes their mission statement dramatically – whilst DS9 improved on the TNG attempt, VOY feels like it is taking a step backwards. I’m sure it has been said before but Voyager looks unfortunately like a toilet lid. The farmhouse sequences are certainly odd but I’m not convinced they are any more convincing than the courtroom scenes in Encounter at Farpoint. The Kazon’s look like cut price Klingons and whilst they are initially considered the new big bad of Star Trek they never really get out of their infancy (although their longing for Federation technology is a new angle worth exploring). The sequence on the staircase seems to go on forever and isn’t the most dynamic of visually appealing of set pieces.

Myth Building: The Caretakers are explorers from another galaxy and they had no idea that their technology would be so destructive to the Ocampan atmosphere. They could never repay the debt and so two of the Caretakers stayed behind to feed them energy and water. One of them is still out there somewhere…

Orchestra: I like the horror movie horns that kick in when the crew are surrounded by pitchfork wielding yokels. There’s an eerie whistling that plays over Harry and B’lanna waking up in the Ocampan laboratory.

Result: What strikes me immediately about Caretaker is the amount of promise it shows. You’ve got a strong female Captain, a crew consisting of terrorists, criminals, aliens and a holographic Doctor and the ship that is lost and alone in an unchartered area of space. Surely this is going to be the most gripping and fascinating Star Trek series yet? Caretaker boasts a huge scale and sets up its characters and the series ethos with some aplomb, only failing when it tries to tell a standard Star Trek plot of a benevolent Godlike entity dying. The first half is far more interesting than the second which peters off into some unengaging action and the introduction of a pretty disappointing new villainous species. However for its ambition and developments Voyager’s pilot should be commended and I only have one question after the creative and character building way the creators assemble this crew. What went wrong?: 8/10

Emissary written by Michael Piller and directed by David Carson

What’s it about: Phew that’s a toughie. The Cardassians are out, the Federation is in and a disparate bunch of rejects from a dozen races become our new crew.

Single Father: Watching Sisko desperately trying to get Jennifer free from the rubble in their quarters is heartbreaking. You would think that introducing a character failing to rescue to his wife would be detrimental to the show but it is devastating to watch and makes you feel for Sisko from the off. Thinking forward to Image in the Sand at the beginning of season seven (and I know they made things up as they went along but its astonishing how it all fits together so deliciously) we learn that Sisko’s mum was part prophet so when Opaka says that looking of the Celestial Temple was the journey he was always meant to take its not just a throwaway line. His whole life has been leading to this point. As well as providing an enthralling glimpse at the Prophets the scenes in the wormhole between Sisko and his mothers people these scenes are vital for the character. As he teaches them about humanity’s values they in turn show him how he is not moving on with his life and trapped in the past at the moment of his wife’s death. Its awesome character development for the first episode of the show, we get to see the first time Ben and Jennifer met, when they decided to have children, the birth and her death whilst also exploring his life as a single father afterwards. If all the other wonderful elements hadn’t already convinced me the moment Sisko breaks down finally convinced me I was going to love this show. Its raw emotion and its beautiful to watch.

Tasty Terrorist: Probably my favourite Star Trek character along with Odo and the one who is afforded the most exceptional character growth throughout the series. Even in season one Kira evolves from a woman who cannot leave her past behind to a woman who is looking to the future. Anybody bemoaning that Ensign Ro didn’t make it from TNG (she was a lovely touch of grumpiness in that show) should relax because Nana Visitor brings such presence and charisma to the role of Kira that even at the end of Emissary you’ll be thinking ‘Ensign who?’ It’s so refreshing to hear characters criticising the arrogant and luxurious Federation, Kira is literally appalled that as soon as the Cardassian have been driven out the Federation arrives. It’s an opinion that we would see change over the years as her character develops. Don’t you just want to cheer when Kira mouths plays Russian roulette with Jasad (quoted in full below because it is so awesome). She has some guts and (forgive me) shits all over Troi and Crusher.

Unknown Sample: Despite the fact that in these early episodes he looks like his head has been beaten to a pulp with a mallet, Odo is the series most fascinating character and brought to life by the extremely talented Rene Auberjonois. A man who can change his shape into anything he wants, he doesn’t know where he comes from, who is an outsider and who runs security with an iron fist – what’s not to like? He’s gruff, rude, insulting and rather wonderful. ‘All my life I have been forced to pass myself as one of you, never knowing who I am or wear I came from. Well the answers to some of those questions might be on the other side of that wormhole.’ Be careful what you wish for Odo.

Everyday O’Brien: Colm Meaney is one of the strongest performers on TNG and O’Brien the one character with the most untapped potential so it was a stroke of genius to transfer him to the station. Suddenly O’Brien gains real focus and throughout the seven years on DS9 we get to see the progression of a normal marriage. In any other show that would be expected but it is so rare to see that sort of character progression in Star Trek and whilst there will be highs (Accession) and lows (Fascination) it’s a very worthy and absorbing ride, adding more depth and realism to the show. Imagine how dull it must have been standing around in that transporter room day after day…transferring to DS9 must be like a slap in the face to O’Brien! Somehow he makes all that technobabble bearable because he has such entertaining bitch fights with the bossy computer! Their fractious relationship starts here… ‘Computer…you and I need to have a little talk…’

Rules of Acquisition: Another gift to the Star Trek universe is the depth that Deep Space Nine gave to the Ferengi. What had we seen of them before this? A really bad attempt to make them the new big bad and then hideously unfunny comedy stooges (Captain’s Holiday). With Armin Shimerman, Max Grodenchik and Aron Eisenberg on board you have three actors committed to making this race work within this setting. It’s astonishing what they achieve together and their chemistry is extremely palatable and it doesn’t take long (I would say by season three) that for me they are the most likable and lovable family in the Star Trek universe. Quark is a brilliant character – they get him about as right as Voyager got Neelix wrong. He’s devious, selfish, perverse and hugely critical of anybody who isn’t a Ferengi and Shimerman always plays him with a twinkle in his eye and a smile in his heart. He gets the best moment at the end of the episode when he slyly puts his hand on Kira’s thigh and nearly gets it bitten off!

Eight Lifetimes: Considering she would become such a vital character from the next season onwards it is Dax that I find the hardest to get a handle on in the pilot. I’m not sure how long after her joining this story is but she just seems remarkably restrained compared the good time girl in later years. It’s wonderful to be able to see the transference of the slug from Curzon to Jadzia. It’s a relationship that will be explored in some depth later in the series.

GE Doctor: Bless Bashir in these first few seasons. In all honesty they didn’t quite get his character right until season three but in retrospect when you learn his big secret it kind of makes sense of his bumbling attitude at first. His chief characteristic this season seems to be to bed Dax so at least he’s not completely daft.

Young Sisko: Like a lot of things in Deep Space Nine the creators looked at the mistakes they had made in the past and decided to have another shot and get it right. Jake works because of the strength of the chemistry between Cirroc Lofton and Avery Brooks and thanks to some strong writing he is a very likable child character. In Star Trek terms that is what we call a miracle. When he gets too whiny about the state of the station his father takes the piss out of him which is exactly what everybody should have done with Wesley all the time.

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘I thought I’d say hello first and then take the office’ ‘Hello’
‘When governments fall people like me are lined up and shot.’
‘D’you know at first I didn’t think I was going to like him.’
‘My mother warned me to watch out for junior officers’ ‘You mother is going to adore me!’
‘I love the Bajorans, such a deeply spiritual people…but they make a dreadful ale.’
‘You can make yourself useful by bringing your Federation medicine to the natives. Oh you’ll find them a friendly, simply folk.’
‘You exist here.’
‘You’re probably right Jasad and if you were dealing with a Starfleet officer they would probably admit we have a hopeless cause here. But I am just a Bajoran whose been fighting a hopeless cause against the Cardassians all her life so if you want a war, I’ll give you one.’
‘Bloody Cardassians! I’ve just got the damn things fixed!’
‘If you don’t take that hand of my hip you’ll never be able to raise a glass with it again.’

The Good: Can we say getting off on the right foot? I think so! The pre titles sequence is like nothing we have ever seen in Star Trek before. Well I say that of course we have seen the results of Wolf 359 but this takes us right into the thick of the action that we were denied in The Best of Both Worlds Part II. What jumps out about this series straight away is how close it allows us to get to its characters and how dark the tone is. Whilst the teaser sports some incredible special effects (I fainted when I heard what the budget was for this premiere) what’s really important is that it makes this fight scene personal. A man desperately tries to save his wife but fails and just about gets his son to safety before the ship blows up and Jake loses his mother. That turns out to be our new protagonist for the show and straight away we feel for the man and there is a fascinating backstory to exploit. Its still one of the best openings to any Star Trek episode, a violent upheaval from the lily-white tone of The Next Generation. And its great to see Locutus again. By giving depth to Wolf 359 Deep Space Nine finds its groove and its mission statement – giving some depth to the Star Trek universe. The shot of the ship blowing up reflecting against the glass of Sisko staring out at it is one of the most emotive special effects. Much more so than the Enterprise Deep Space Nine feels like a character in itself with its distinctive, functional and yet somehow beautiful exterior and the gorgeous array of sets inside. Visually this is the most original and idiosyncratic of Star Trek shows and the plethora of memorable sets from the multi level Operations (under lit to give it some atmosphere), Quarks Bar (which is teeming with life) and the Promenade (which is my all time favourite Star Trek set) give the show a real visual hook. But more on that as we progress with the series. The comparison with the shiny handed-on-a-plate-luxury of the Enterprise the station is grim, broken, rubble strewn with weary faces walking the streets. It’s remarkably dark which makes the show something worth investing in as they start pulling it together. Just as an example of how the characters develop in this show our very first scene sees Nog as a petty thief and his last scene in the series he is being put forward for the position of Lieutenant in Starfleet. Kira talks about the government falling and the planet falling into civil war and it’s nice to see that followed up in the opening three parter of series two. The Bajoran matte painting complete with temples, gardens and pools is a stunning planetary surface. Love the gorgeous location work on the beach – those American shorelines shit all over our British ones! The Bajoran spiritualism gives the show a whole new angle and more layers to unpeel about this fascinating society. The idea of the Orbs that can take you back to a moment in your past is brilliantly imaginative. Look at the amount of aliens on display when Quark’s Bar opens – Star Wars Cantina eat your heart out! Interesting that Deep Space Nine seems to consist of all the alien races that haven’t really been given the time of day by TNG – the Trill, Ferengi, Cardassians and the Bajorans! So many staples of the show are introduced in the first few episodes; Dukat, Garak, Nog, the Prophets, the Wormhole – it just goes to show how right they got it from the off. Marc Alaimo has such presence I can see why they kept bringing him back. What an insidious bunch, closing the bar and using Odo as a bag for winnings to sneak onto the Cardassian ship – I think this bunch are going to do fine. The visual of the wormhole bursting open and the turbulent, beautiful spirals inside are both incredible effects. You have no idea what is happening when the landscape inside the wormhole switches from a rock face to an idyllic garden before the Orb flies at our heroes and the ground cracks up with light but it is gorgeously filmed and enchanting to watch unfold. Its not often that I will say a scene in Star Trek is like a work of art but the amount of time and effort that has gone into editing together the scenes in the Wormhole has to be acknowledged. The scenes flow beautifully, are visually stunning and reinforce the exploration of humanity that Star Trek exemplifies. It’s extraordinarily good. Wowza, they blow the shit out of the Promenade and we see screaming bloody victims – we have never seen anything like this before.

The Bad: The scene where Sisko and Picard meet reveals the one advantage TNG has over DS9: Patrick Stewart. He manages to convey with a simple look more than Avery Brooks does with the entire scene. One harmful aspect of the first two years is how pathetic those little runabouts are. The series kicked ass when the Defiant rocked up at the station. Dax only seems to speak technobabble and I need a translator.

Myth Building: The end of the Cardassian Occupation of Bajor leaves the planet in a precarious state and in steps the Federation to help to facilitate their problems. The Wormhole is introduced and contains the Prophets which the Bajoran people worship. Whilst it would fluctuate throughout the series the Cardassians are definitely the biggest badasses of the first series (later it would be the Klingons, the Dominion…and then the Cardassians again!).

Orchestra: I love the piano score as Sisko explains about linear time through baseball.

Result: Exciting, unpredictable with a highly engaging new cast of characters and a welcome touch of dirt to the Star Trek universe, Emissary barely gets a step wrong. Visually the story is a feast for the eyes with some atmospheric new sets, exciting action sequences and a masterpiece of editing for the astonishing sequences set inside the wormhole. I remember when I first watched Emissary and I was completely blown away by the scale of the story, the rawness of the emotion and the gorgeous look of the piece. I had never seen anything like it in Star Trek before and it felt like someone had taken all my complaints about TNG and ironed them out into a much darker, classier show. Plus the show gets to have its cake and eating it by having Sisko and Dax discover the wormhole to the Gamma Quadrant this series gets to enjoy a stationary space opera and a whole new area of space to explore! This is a show that isn’t afraid to pull a mirror on humanity’s weaknesses, that handles religion and space opera with equal aplomb and Emissary kick starts seven incredible years of mythos building and outstanding character drama: 10/10

Encounter at Farpoint written by Gene Roddenberry & D.C, Fontana and directed by Corey Allen

What’s it about: The crew of the Enterprise assembles as they face their first encounter with the Q and solve the mystery of Farpoint station.

To Baldly Go: How on Earth did they manage to encourage Shakespearean actor Patrick Stewart to take part in this project. He has said in recent interviews that he was apprehensive about the whole thing I think it comes across in his performance in these early episodes. I don’t like his tightly fitted uniform much; he looked far more comfortable come season three (but we’ve still got a long way to go before we get there…). He clearly wants to make his mark as a man of action because in the first fifteen minutes he has pushed the warp engines to maximum and separated the ship! To prove he is a more thoughtful man than Kirk he surrenders to the Q whereas James T would have blasted them to hell and darn the consequences! He exhibits some pretty unusual behaviour – he doesn’t even look at Riker when he comes on board or welcome him. In later seasons when he has softened he would never behave this rudely. Picard is just a big softie really letting that horrid like swot explore the bridge. Q calls Picard a dullard and you can’t help but agree with him at this point.

Number One: A beardless Riker looks so young but much better looking. You feel really sorry for the guy as he is trying to impress his new Captain but gets a right dressing down. The ensign who gives Riker directions checks out his ass! Q tells Riker that he shows promise which will be followed up in the dismal episode Hide & Q.

Fully Functional: His pedantry and lack of understand of human nature pegs him as TNG’s Spock and almost to drive the point home McCoy tells him he sounds like a Vulcan! His character is really well pitched and cast and would go on to be one of the most popular of the main cast.

Alien Empath: What the hell does Troi look like with her massive frizzy hair and miniskirt? Why does she start crying when Picard orders them to surrender? Oo-er there seems to be some history between Riker and Troi and by the looks on their faces they used to know each other very well. We get our very first example of what would soon become a hideous Troi cliché where she looks like she’s straining to do a really big fart whilst feeling terrible pain or anger from a creature nearby. He feelings for Riker maker her behave in a very unprofessional fashion! Why does she always state the bleeding obvious: ‘a feeling of great joy!’ she tells us of the jellyfish lovers’ reunion. No shit Sherlock!

Boy Genius: What an irritating little suck up! Trailing around after ‘mother’, wearing that hideous woolly pullover and sucking up to Commander Riker…he almost makes Adric seem palatable. Why does Data have to ruin everything and rescue Wesley when he falls in the water? I was just starting to enjoy myself! When the turbo lift opens and Wesley is standing in the doorway wouldn’t it have been wonderful if Dr Crusher had shoved him out and shot off in the lift?

Blind Engineer: Geordi’s visor is a lovely visual touch that I’m pleased to say made it through the entire series.

Mr Wolf: He’s such a stupid grunt he almost blows a hole in the viewer!

Dancing Doctor: Deep breath…I know it sounds as though I am ripping this show to pieces but I promise you praise will come! Personally I think Gates McFadden is the weak link the cast and on the whole over the seven years I find her remarkably wooden in the part. It’s nice that there is some history between Picard and Crusher which adds a little depth to both characters but the series never had the guts to explore the relationship. You’ve got to love Picard’s tact; he heads off to sickbay to welcome her on board and then follows that up with ‘ill request a transfer for you!’

Security Chief: Tasha Yar, to my mind is one of the worst characters in any Star Trek series. She is so ridiculously melodramatic I cannot take her seriously. ‘I spoke before I thought sir’ she says holding back tears as Picard admonishes her. Thank Christ Q turns the woman into an icicle pop after she starts ranting on about how fabulous Starfleet is because she seriously needed someone to cool her down. Bizarrely after wearing a trouser suit throughout the story in the last scene Yar is suddenly wearing a Troi mini skirt and kinky boots!

Sparkling Dialogue: ‘You treat her like a lady and she’ll always bring you home.’
‘Prejudice is very human.’
‘Let’s see what’s out there…’

Dreadful Dialogue: ‘He’s frozen!’ – yeah nice one Troi, we couldn’t have figure that out for ourselves!

The Good: The opening shot of the Enterprise travelling through space sees some serious money being spent on the model work. John De Lancie is wonderful fun in his role as Q and you can understand why he was pencilled in quickly for a return visit. I cried with delight when I saw Colm Meaney! The Data/McCoy scene is beautiful. Lets forget the plethora of episodes that would follow in various Trek incarnations and remember how wonderful the holodeck felt at the time – it is a clever idea and a great way to add some visual splendour to the series. Whilst it is an irritatingly twee ending the floating jellyfish creatures are well realised.

The Bad: I’m not going to beat around the bush – the first two season of TNG are not great under any circumstances and I won’t be holding back from pointing out its manifest of flaws. But what I should say was that when I was ten and this show first aired on the BBC you couldn’t tear me away from it. Whilst at heart Doctor Who would always come first I was blown away by the incredible special effects and phaser fights and it is only through older, more jaded eyes that I have come to see how diabolical some of these episodes are especially when compared with the later TNG series and the majority of DS9. The theme tune is…loud but I’m not sure on a musical level its any good at all. The bridge set is remarkably beige and I’m not sure if I like the idea of those lounging seats – you’re supposed to be at work people! If I had to work with seats like that I would be asleep in five minutes! At this stage in the game its clear Gene Roddenberry is trying to emulate the original series with a shocking degree of sexism, god like beings and very loud and dramatic music. I don’t know what to make the court scenes since they seem to be full of psychotic midgets in fancy dress having a fun day out and they go on way too long (although Q’s method of extracting an admission of guilt by having a gun pressed to their heads is novel). Farpoint Station is one of those studio planets that Star Trek likes to build and nine times out of ten it fails to convince as location work would (plus the model work would be shoddy for Doctor Who). How cheap – the corridors on the alien ship are exactly the same as those on the planet! How exactly does solving the childishly simple puzzle of Farpoint station prove that human beings evolved beyond their previous barbarity?

Myth Building: What’s up with those teeny weeny phasers? By the end of the season they are much chunkier buggers! Suddenly the Klingons have weird Mars Bar bumps on their heads with no explanations. Jean Luc calls the mid 21st Century the post atomic horror. Picard says that he hopes the Ferengi find Zorn as ‘tasty’ as they did their past associates seeming to suggest they are humanoid cannibals!

Orchestra: The conductor is clearly having an epileptic fit once the Enterprise tries to outrun the Q because the music goes crazy! The piano score when Data walks with McCoy conjures up so many memories of original Star Trek in a beautifully nostalgic way. As if the image of the two jellyfish joining tentacles wasn’t twee enough you’ve got an entire string quartet pouring on the syrup!

Result: In retrospect the Next Generation pilot story feels remarkably naïve and childish but at the time it was one of the most exciting things to hit our screens. With its exciting sets, fantastic model work and state of the art special effects this was a glossy science fiction serial that was bound to keep the kids happy at dinnertime. Unfortunately there are a manifest of problems that held back the first two series of the show; the main cast are completely out of their depth and trying to convince in some sloppily written characters, the plotting is childishly simple and treats the audience like idiots, the tone of the piece is all over the place and the dialogue is largely banal. With characters as unconvincing as Deanna Troi, Tasha Yar and Wesley Crusher the series clearly had a long way to go before it would prove its worth. Compared to the third or fourth series of TNG, Encounter at Farpoint is woefully embarrassing to watch. This is watchable if you are ten or under but any older and you might feel more than a little patronised: 3/10